Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Meaning of Life

Today is some pretty crazy shit. Well, that just came out, so I guess that's what's on my mind. I was surfing at James' place last night (I had no idea he was 21! Such a smart, worldly guy for 21) and I had a really good time. I really don't have one complaint about Edinburgh, well besides the situation with Ryan.

This is a very complex situation and a few things have been misunderstood. I have tried to smooth things over, work on helping him understand couchsurfing and the way I travel but we are bashing heads. I am not naïve about travel partners; I have had my fair share (Connie, Aurora, James, Amanda, Laura, Cory, Jacob, Lauren, Mike, Aaron, Danielle, Amy, and more I can't think of), but this is like two people trying to prove who is angrier.

I wanted to find a solution but he wants a way out, so there we go. I am sitting on a street bench in the Newington neighborhood getting my thoughts together. Marc's discussion with me about distant friends is coming to mind right now.

As I wrote before, I notice the little details, the mannerisms, the looks people give, the tone. I get it: I am sensible and can see and hear things that others barely notice.

All this 'I' talk is rather disconcerting, you can note that, yes. Walking across the city was great and I plan to do it again.

Next time I'll be easier on you, I say to myself. I am transient, yes transient. Graham would laugh at that statement and I am not judgmental. I am transient as I told everyone in late April as my ideas for attempted travel solidified.

I think about Gary with this entry. He and I are so similar, but he uses magic and I use this skills set that Kai so values about me. It's not work hard, play hard, ha! It's work hard, take pride in that, know your efforts are meaningful, useful.

I am bridging the gap between solitude and social darwinism in some way. I want to sit this one out, stop riding it out, and watch them struggle. What was the name of Dan's game again?

No comments: