Explorer

It's not really a travel bug; it's exploration. I'm never supposed to find what I'm looking for; just keep glancing around. I am now traveling to places I have been before: relaxing, visiting friends and family.

I used to be addicted to lemonade or perhaps I just drink too much and get overjoyed when I find some, and biking gives me a similar rush. But exploring has always been a passion of mine, curiously wondering and wandering about. I like to wander, collect my thoughts, walk aimlessly; it's a real joy.

Talking so much about CouchSurfing since I returned to the States has made me more than realize many aspects of that life that I just cannot live without. What if I fell back into a rut and needed to be pulled out? What if I was in mourning and could not escape? Well, honestly I know I would get out of it. I have every tool in the world to find my way, a simple path can guide the blindest.

I have used my problem-solving skills (read: good luck/wits) to get a free trip to Arizona. I could go on like this. "I am here for all your travel needs." I will get us all out of a bind and go wherever I am needed.

Right now I am with Laura, David and his girlfriend Tori. We made fun of David last night for being my bad first kiss and calling me so much that I had to "break up" our two-week "relationship" that he so fervently titled. Then one week later, or an illogical 14-year old girl's sense of respectable time, he started dating an ex-best friend of ours (Laura and me) named Sabrina. Many hilarious backstabbing high school friendships later (even though none of us went to the same school) we can all be friends again. Plus, Tori is fantastic. She is a sweet girl and extremely intelligent. We have similar skin tones and we both bruise easily. She has never been to the beach before and we're trying to show the best we can of beach time.

The water was great yesterday, not too freezing, then I layed on the sand and got a minimal tan. I'm having a good time, feeling at peace.

Airport Ramblings

I almost don't want to write this out but I am at the airport right now. I am flying out, feeling anxious and will be surprising most of you. I regret nothing, ever. I had some things to consider and I know I've made the right decision.

I am starting over, showing my support and maturity in all matters. I could not have done it without how this trip has made me over in some circumstances. I have cut corners where I never thought possible, taken huge chances, relied on luck and strong wits and in no way have I failed anything I set out to do.

Always explaining my trip, Europeans say to me, this journey thing, so American, you'd never hear of this originating from anywhere else. We are the world, we want to travel. There is no place that I have not said to myself, 'I really want to go there'. What gratifying honor did that BA give us? Yes, I asked myself this for almost two months and wanted an answer, knowing I would not get anything concrete. I wouldn't even know what to do with a concrete answer.

Instead, I found a reason to talk to strangers, tell stories, involve myself in someone else's life for a short while. I spent a really great month with Connie and Aurora, they have been wonderful friends to me. "Sharing is caring," Connie says as Aurora is hungry for another avocado. I got to see Luke, my long lost pal of awkward silences and I enjoyed our walks and talks as an odd couple (next generation?). Antwerp welcomed us three girls and we long to return for new years, plus we got hooked on that music and I on Gui Boratto. And of course the last stop in Edinburgh (Ed-in-bra, haha Vivek) made me feel the most welcome, the most included, the most at home. Great conversations with Graham, Vivek's unbelievable help, Dan's randomness, and Marie being the sweetheart that she is, plus the countless people I met an enjoyed at the BBQ (Chris and I finally meeting someone who spoke the same language!) and couches surrounding (James, you are missed).

Even Dublin helped me out without even knowing it. I will be there someday. The real question is, where won't I be someday?

Glasgow

I am in Glasgow today in a very good mood, upbeat and excited for the unknown. I had a great time and the BBQ last night and it makes me sad to leave. Everyone has been so kind and welcoming to me, which makes me regret that plane ticket in some ways.

We are now in St. Mungo Cathedral, where I am blown away each step I take. The stained glass is so vibrant and some live organ music just started playing. In the lower part of the church there are a dozen chapels and with their own interesting mantle. The skull and bones styled chapel reminds me of the religious life exhibit in the museum that we just saw, comparing death and afterlife in various religions.

On the bus ride back to Edinburgh I took a nap, which was a mistake after my long BBQ but I eventually made it to Philip's place. The more I think about these CouchSurfing experiences the more I am grateful to be able to go on this trip, to meet these people, to know that this can exist, and I can do it. I have visited 7 cities, CouchSurfed in 5 of them (not counting Marc's "unofficial" guest room in Newcastle), met loads of people that I have promised will meet again. I am going to keep that promise.

The Meaning of Life

Today is some pretty crazy shit. Well, that just came out, so I guess that's what's on my mind. I was surfing at James' place last night (I had no idea he was 21! Such a smart, worldly guy for 21) and I had a really good time. I really don't have one complaint about Edinburgh, well besides the situation with Ryan.

This is a very complex situation and a few things have been misunderstood. I have tried to smooth things over, work on helping him understand couchsurfing and the way I travel but we are bashing heads. I am not naïve about travel partners; I have had my fair share (Connie, Aurora, James, Amanda, Laura, Cory, Jacob, Lauren, Mike, Aaron, Danielle, Amy, and more I can't think of), but this is like two people trying to prove who is angrier.

I wanted to find a solution but he wants a way out, so there we go. I am sitting on a street bench in the Newington neighborhood getting my thoughts together. Marc's discussion with me about distant friends is coming to mind right now.

As I wrote before, I notice the little details, the mannerisms, the looks people give, the tone. I get it: I am sensible and can see and hear things that others barely notice.

All this 'I' talk is rather disconcerting, you can note that, yes. Walking across the city was great and I plan to do it again.

Next time I'll be easier on you, I say to myself. I am transient, yes transient. Graham would laugh at that statement and I am not judgmental. I am transient as I told everyone in late April as my ideas for attempted travel solidified.

I think about Gary with this entry. He and I are so similar, but he uses magic and I use this skills set that Kai so values about me. It's not work hard, play hard, ha! It's work hard, take pride in that, know your efforts are meaningful, useful.

I am bridging the gap between solitude and social darwinism in some way. I want to sit this one out, stop riding it out, and watch them struggle. What was the name of Dan's game again?

Balance

I have not had a chance to really get my bearings in Scotland yet. It hasn't been a wild crazy ride, but I am adjusting to having someone as my travel partner.

Right now I am in Cramond Village in suburban Edinburgh at the beach where there is much forrest. I climbed up a tree and I feel very relaxed. I'm not overwhelmed by this place, in fact I am politely content.

I feel a little stressed about finding couches because it is festival season but it is difficult writing these requests day in and day out. It exhausts me, CouchSurfing is real work. But I will land on my feet again because I have this bizarre good luck following me.

I miss New York and people back home. Ryan has reminded me of those and his thirst for adventure complicates mine. We are trying to get a balance, which is hard when both of you are used to being on your own.

I am feeling lackadaisical, swearing to myself that this was part of it all. I am feeling good, happy, content, ready, wondering, all the feelings you should have on an unchartered course. I thank CouchSurfing and my great friends for this.  I miss Connie and Aurora, but I will see them very soon, just as everyone in the States.

Let's not take ourselves so seriously and take a deep breath when we need it.

Traveling

Harrogate is passing me by outside the window on this nine hour journey to Newcastle. I see a man with a cob pipe sitting at a bus station, looking austerely at me. There is much greenery because of the rain, Paul tells me.

I just ate some sea salt and balsamic vinegar chips. The British are really good at chips, so many flavors, so pungent.

The man sitting across from me, he's probably 26, looks like he does some form of manual labor; dust and dirt all over his clothing and arms, he probably sees me ogling. He is reading a magazine called Zoo which looks like Maxim: rating girls in underwear, plus the requisite Mach 3 ads and random news articles, such as "Incredible Bear Rescue!"

The green is so bright, older couples walk hand in hand through the field. I've seen horses, cows and sheep in the pastures, farmhouses sprinkled along the way.

There is this Turkish guy in the back checking me out, creeping me out. He asks me for the time then grins for an extended period of time, and I walk back to the bus. The girl I was sitting next to has the left the bus in Leeds, and I think about exploring Leeds on my journey back to Belgium. There's no time, next time.

I keep telling myself how I am going to be more organized next time. I will, I promise.

London Calling

I just bought a dress. It was £3 and beautiful and now I am getting veggie English breakfast at a cafe in Notting Hill, oh to be so posh. I could get used to this. I am alone today, wandering around London to find James' friend's store nearby, and it always feels great to explore a new city on my own. Understand the transit system, watch how people act, speak, all of their mannerisms.

I haven't taken my videocamera anywhere. For some reason this trip is just about writing, recording with my own eyes; I cannot rely on someone else's eyes. Whatever I observe I try to write down, though there is a delay since I cannot always take my notebook out to jot something down. Here goes nothing.